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Link to this Article
Why guys don't write backThis one came from a poster on Craigslist.
As a public service, thought it'd be
nice to list some reasons why I will not write back. This may or may
not be true for others.
1) You reveal that your divorce is
not final, or are still "separated". No one wants to be
with someone who hasn't gotten their affairs in order (no pun
2) You reveal that you just got out of a major
relationship in the past two months. Women (and men) who are on the
rebound are unreliable emotionally, and are a flight risk (e.g. I
really like you, now please get out of my life).
3) You say
you are HWP, but you picture indicates you are overweight. This is an
honesty issue, like with men and height or income.
inquire who else I'm "dating". It is likely that I am going
on a first, second, and even a third date with people, especially
since the first date on CL is equal to the first pre-date encounter
other times in real life. Do you really want that information? There
is no correct answer to this question (no means I'm not desirable,
yes means I'm a man-slut or a player). Don't ask me such invasive
questions. I may have had wild monkey sex with my third date last
night, but I still went out with you. It might be because no man in
his right mind will turn down sex, but will keep looking for the
"one" even if that sex was damn good. While in most
people's book, sex constitutes a form of physical monogamy, all bets
are off on dating until being exclusive is discussed or its desire
5) You say that you are "direct" with
people and that is a way of being honest, and that some people have a
problem with that. What this says to me is that you have no grace or
tact when talking about things, are hyper critical, and say
inappropriate things. I don't need any of that. The deal here is
respect, and getting to know me before you are entitled to talk about
my personality flaws.
6) My entire INBOX got deleted by
mistake. It has happened.
7) Too many replies. It happens to
the men too. A man spends as much time fielding 5-6 replies as a
women with 50 replies. The weeding out process for men usually
involves dating all of them ASAP, because each of them has 50 other
guys lined ready to go out with them.
8) You say something
that makes my "potential sperm donor" meter go into the
red. I know there are asshole men, and there are asshole women. Some
women will marry for kids first and love second. That is a fear
amongst men. When this comes out, it's splitsville.
Excessive reference to all the men you have dated and moved on from
in the last 6 months. Sure, it might be true, but I don't want to
hear how you axed you second or third dates because of a very minor
thing (and drug usage, excessive drinking, criminal records are not
minor). I don't wish to be a statistic. I don't want to hear about
your serial promiscuity for the past 5 years (I don't have a problem
with it; I just don't want to hear about it) . You haven't said that
I'm any different than anyone else, so why would I think I was
different or special to you?.
10) Excessive cancellations.
Nothing screams a) can't express wants, b) dating multiple men
already, or c) not interested, then cancellations and refusals to
commit to a time and place. I don't have time for that.
Neutral or no reciprocation of compliments. Relationships are a
mutual thing, not ego stroking. If you want anonymous admiration, be
an actor or rock star.
12) You've told me something deep and
personal that also is a deal breaker in most people's books. You are
intelligent and beautiful, but you revealed a major thing that can
only be gotten around by becoming very good friends first. Included
on the list (and this does not mean that all of these things are bad
things): Herpes II positive, you spend all of your free time caring
for disabled parents and don't have a lot of time to be in a
relationship, you are in therapy, etc. Lets get to know each other a
little bit, before dropping such heavy shit on me. Maybe I will meet
you and see how cool you are, be a part of your life as a friend, and
then we see what happens from there. Dating from the get-go isn't
13) Some shit came up in my own life and dating
had to take a back seat for a minute. We're talking death in the
family, car accident, best friend in the hospital, me in the
14) Computer took a shit before I could get
your number on paper.
15) You pry too much into my family
history or relationship history early on. This is information that is
voluntarily revealed in the early stages, and talked about within a
trustful setting later on. If I am damaged you will know soon enough.
I don't tell my "shit" to strangers, just like you don't
have sex with strangers. I don't want to be judged when it is
obviously too early to spend the hour to give the full explanation.
And there are mistakes I made that I am sorry for that I'm not going
to talk about right now.
Sometimes, to write back and say "I
don't feel we have potential" opens the door for you to then
insist on me telling you why, and I am doing you a favor by not
telling you. You have to figure it out on your own, and are less
likely to do so if I tell you. After all, I'm just some guy on CL;
what the hell do I know, anyway?
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